Prayer

“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.”

― Mother Teresa

For the first time in months, I have been able to be still.

I took a bubble bath one day and stared at my toes sticking out of the water. I wouldn't exactly call this "prayer" in most contexts, but on that day, it was. It was a prayer of thanksgiving for the opportunity to be still...to listen to the bubbles pop and not have to think or plan anything for the moment. The kids were in school, the dishes were done, and the laundry wouldn't be finished for another 55 minutes.

I took a nap. I felt guilty knowing that millions of hard-working people were working hard...but not so guilty that I got up and resorted to any of the jobs that were waiting for me.

Earlier this week I took a walk in my neighborhood with one of my twenty-something friends. She had signed up to run a race with another twenty-something friend and asked me if I had made any new year's resolutions. I told her that, honestly, my only goal had been to survive until January 3rd, and now that I had, I would need to spend some quiet time before The Lord figuring out the next steps.

Should I volunteer more at the kids school? Should I take on another batch of college girls? Should I read more books and learn how to better relate to my preteen or romance my husband? Should I learn how to cook lighter meals so that we can better pursue health as a family? Should I return my relative's call or wait for a better time? Should I work on new music and new routines for my exercise classes? Should I surprise my working friend and take her to lunch? Should I pack the Christmas things, or would they be okay just as they are in the attic? Should I start savings accounts for the kids who have actually saved money, or would that just be more work at this stage of their money management? Should I plan something more exciting for my mom's upcoming birthday? Should I try and fix the pants with holes in them or throw them away? Should I give the outgrown kid clothes away or try and consign them? Should I return to my old cardio schedule at the gym or should I mix it up this year? Should I think of something more interesting to blog about?

I didn't decide to do any of those things, at least not quite yet.