Humility towards one another in long car trips

"Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to have a blessed home in The Lord, where I can go in and and shut the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and above is trouble." - Andrew Murray

I love this quote that I discovered in Joanna Weaver's Having a Mary Spirit. I'm working on applying the concept to my life when we are all together in the family car and there is no room of quiet solitude to escape to. I'm trying to find the quiet space within.

I hope to walk in peaceful humility this week as we take the family to Disney. Our family is excited, packed (finally), and on the road. It took thirty minutes before one child asked to watch a movie, and one hour before the first child asked for a snack, what was for lunch, and what was for dinner.

We have already had quite a few squabbles in the process of getting on the road to our vacation destination, and two devotional talks on "doing all things without grumbling and complaining". One shed tears over a costume that didn't fit right. One disliked the shorts I had bought her. Several fought over the colors of dollar store earbuds and selection of water bottles. One swore that her bag of chips had less than a sister's bag. Disputes over personal space in the middle seat. A large scale dispute arose over who should get to sleep on the top bunk. A recounting of who has slept in the top bunk on every other occasion. Pouting that could win an Oscar over which DVD to watch... And frustration over the scratched bits.

Jesus is helping me examine my own response to childishness, ingratitude, and frustration. I want to walk in peace among my "sheep". Last night I thought my own top was going to blow as I sorted through drawers and closets looking for children's socks that I knew I had purchased, and washed, but that had mysteriously disappeared when it was time to actually pack them in the suitcase. I found lots of clothes carelessly shoved into drawers with no sense of order. And soon, my attention was riveted on on the things my kids do wrong that I have taught them about, instead of all the things they do right and the great people that they are becoming. I felt anger that my kids don't care about things that I care about, like cleanliness and order, even though I've tried to teach organizational skills.

My friend's family recently had to sit their daughters down and have a family forum. The topic of the meeting was "We are not slackers." These types of conversations are common in our household as well. When the kids fight or use unkind words they get a lecture from us about how that kind of behavior is not consistent with our family values. We are trying hard to form a family identity and culture that honors God and one another.

The tricky thing seems to be actually living out what we say we know. There needs to be some trying meeting ummmph before we get triumph!

Headphones are now on. The unhappy are quieted understanding that they will have the next pick. And one day, I hope to send them to "Third World" as comedian Tim Hawkins jokes so that they will understand what they are squabbling about is not that important anyway. In the meantime, maybe I will grow a little too.

 

Here's a little comic relief from Tim's Insanitized DVD.

http://youtu.be/qunmtzN8pcg

 

 

Burnt toast, lost library books, and forgotten lunches

I have had to use my "failure management" skills quite a bunch this week.

While trying to assist in homework, I burnt the delicious, but not so nutritious grilled cheese sandwiches I was trying to feed the two-out-of-five kids who were actually planning to go to Wednesday night church activities. My young kids left their lunch boxes in the van on two separate occasions, reading logs were left at school by the absent-minded, a few tests were bombed, and two items went missing that became due from the library. I have searched under beds in search of the lost items only to find gum wrappers and sandy socks tossed on the floor. I have inspected mystery substances splattered on the bathroom wall and hoped it was not a wild spray of urine from an anxious-to-get-back-outside-to-playing boy.

Ick.

Whenever I have to use a fast food restaurant to accommodate the guitar lessons, soccer games, and baseball games on the same evening, I feel like an inferior parent. Just think of all those families at home who are not over-scheduled, eating nice organic vegetables at the table together...probably having a nice family devotional and using flashcards to reinforce their learning from school.

My heart gets dark and pinchy in light of the hopes that I have for us and the reality of what actually living together as a family of seven looks like.

Then I call on Jesus, and He reminds me.

An amazing transformation occurs in my thinking. I am no longer hyperventilating or having cussing thoughts. I let my children experience the consequences for their actions. I remember that their actions are not my actions or my report card as a lifeskill teaching parent. I walk with Him in the midst of chaos. I would like to live in nice ordered world "up on the mountain" of serenity where all is well. But, I am called to commune with Him, and then go live out my faith in the world of lost Arthur the aardvark DVDs and probably not organic slightly processed foods.

Thanks, God, for your staying presence in our crazy.

Thanks for loving us for better or for worse.

Thanks that the goof was actually on the library's end this time and we now have a $17.80 credit for the next round of failure management.

 

Little Delights

The air outside has been a little cooler lately. This seems like a pretty ordinary observation for a day in September, but for me it is also a way of quickening my soul to the little beauties all around me. When I take a moment to notice beauty around me, I am less stressed and stretched-out, and more prone to lift my eyes to the author of all good gifts.

This week's gifts include:

The sweetness of siblings to one another. In a feisty, fiery, "spicy" family where almost every afternoon involves breaking up some kind of squabble, it is sweet honey to my soul to see a sister create candy wrappers for her brother's birthday.

The sweetness of simplicity... No cakes needed. Just a box of doughnuts, some cans of whipped cream, and a jug of "fat milk"!

 

 

Hearing my growing-up boy say, "I love you, Mom" when I drop him off at school.

Tender Warriors

Tough on the outside

Sweet on the inside

More chocolaty sweetness: a gift from my parents-in-law who thought of me on their anniversary trip. I love the packaging...it looks like a little journal or book in French - two of my other favorite things.

 

Being close enough that our family can stop by on occasion and enter the crazy zone that is our life. All grandkids came out of the woodwork and wanted to show off their piano, violin, guitar, and gymnastic skills...at the same time and in very loud volumes!

Anticipating lunch with my friend who has gone back to work. When the window of opportunity narrows to spend time with friends, each lunch or workout date becomes a treasure.

Anticipating seeing the same friend's new house and resting in the fact that even though she brought me a home-cooked meal when we moved to our house, she is just as happy with us coming over with pizza in cardboard boxes and paper plates. Resting in the grace that is true friendship when I should probably feel bad about my inability in this season to reciprocate in kind.

Listening to the soundtrack to this year's Singing Christmas Tree and letting choreography ideas dance in my head.

Beginning a new season of getting to know college girls.

 

An opportunity to speak to girls in the 20's about what I have learned since I was 20... And being thankful that God has indeed taught me much. Being confident that He will share much more with me by the time that I am sixty. Remembering that I am primarily a worshipper who serves God, rather than a servant who worships. (Thanks, Linda Dillow!)

 

Snuggling up with my husband and watching a favorite show on Netflix. We are so tired that we prefer watching from a tablet in our covers than actually moving to a bigger screen and a couch. Even though we haven't been out on date since August 10, these little connections keep us going and growing in our marriage.

Being able to try new fitness ventures on a Living Social coupon. Pure Barre workouts are much more difficult than I had anticipated, and I loved (and hated while actually doing the workouts) the fresh challenge.

Being able to teach my son's fourth grade class a lesson on saying "yes" to God and running with abandon towards an adventurous life with Him, even when you feel as if you are afraid and unqualified like Moses did.

Thanks, God, for allowing us to venture with You.

 

Going dark

Several people have asked me why I haven't been blogging as much lately.

First of all, I must say that I'm always slightly stunned when anyone wants to read a new post. I thank you for journeying with us. It is an honor to have anyone care about what we do and think.

Then, to answer the question of blogging silence, there are generally two answers.

The first is rare. I may be in an exotic location where there is no wifi, or I am too frugal to pay the wifi rate.

Much more commonly, I am in survival mode, hunkered down, just trying to keep the wheels on the bus going round and round. Call me. Pray for me. I probably need some help.

Blogging takes a certain amount of mental energy. My creativity goes out the window when I am flying by the seat of my pants.

Take yesterday, for example. One of the challenges of expanding our family has been that even if each kid just has one enrichment activity, there is no way to control when many of those activities are going to line up on one day.

Six months ago when I made the kids' dentist appointments, I randomly picked Thursday afternoon after school, not yet knowing what the fall schedule would be. So, I needed to pick up five kids from three schools and head to the dentist by 3:30. In the middle of those appointments was B's guitar lesson. Then we needed to grab some dinner and get two of the kids ready for soccer pictures and a soccer game. In the middle of the soccer game, B needed to be warming up for his baseball game....and it was Open House night at the elementary school. My husband and I called my Mom in to the rescue. On some days, we can't even make it without help and I am very thankful for family who are willing to step in.

I am thankful for my "spicy" family and a full life. I am equally thankful for moments of quiet that are not insanely busy where I can still the pinball machine that is my mind and reflect. And occasionally, a thought worth sharing surfaces for a breath of air and I can sit down and write.

I loved a devotional by a Proverbs 31 writer this morning. Lisa Allen (whose children have graduated and moved on) wrote: "Does your season of life allow time to pursue a dream?" The implication being that some seasons do not. She encourages us to ask God "What does this time make possible? Time to grow spiritually, professionally, relationally, or maybe emotionally."

When I ran into a friend at the grocery store we decided that this season of life is offering lessons in logistics! I am trusting that when life is going 90 miles an hour, God can speak to me in the whirlwind and in the whisper that follows. May I take time to listen well today and let my soul catch up to the pace my body has been running.

If there is nothing new from me, might I redirect you to the talented sarcastic spicy Jen Hatmaker and the sweet chattingwiththesky Emily Freeman? They might be full of good inspirational ideas while I am doing the laundry with my mind in neutral.

Jen's Hope for "Spicy" Families and The Second Year of Adoption are right up our alley.

Until the next good thought rolls around,

Taryn

Jen Hatmaker - Hope for Spicy Families

jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/08/29/hope-for-spicy-familiesAug 29, 2013 - A certain scenario sets off a guaranteed, automatic reaction in me every time. Although reduced, I categorize most families as either “sweet” or "spicy".

 

 

Aloha

Everywhere we went in Hawaii, the tourism industry seemed intent on teaching us that the proper response to "Aloha" is "Aloha". More than just "hello", it means, "I love you, or I share myself with you"... So, it's rude to just say "hi" back.

Mom and I enjoyed many moments of aloha. Silly moments, quiet moments, adventure moments. I'm very thankful to have had the opportunity to take a trip with her.

 

Being silly together

Playing on the lava fields

Playing on the beach

Exploring a lava tube

Exploring by helicopter

The only response to such beauty for me is to worship the Creator.

My favorite thing about travel

 

Mimi and Mom's Fabulous Adventure-Day One

I spent the night at my Mom's house Friday night in order to get to the airport before dawn. I arrived at Mom's house after our one year post-placement visit by our social worker for our adoption. Mom was in the middle of a closet purging and we played dress up. I am 42 years old and I still love hand-me-downs.

It was hard to sleep knowing that we needed to get up so early, but the long flight to Honolulu was gloriously uneventful. Mom packed us a picnic as the airlines now charge for sandwiches, even if you are on the plane for 9 hours. Gone are the days of free anything. My Mom used to be a flight attendant, so I always enjoy stories of how things have changed over the years. I was able to finish reading the second book of the Disney Kingdom Keeper series, knowing that MJ was back home starting the first one, B was on book 3, and L and book 4. I enjoy reading books along with my family in preparation for our family vacation this fall. It gives us a point of connection to discover things together.

Here is a picture of my favorite airline snacks...Biscoff cookies, cran-apple juice with ginger-ale, hot tea with cream and sugar, and tomato juice. I know that I can buy these items at the grocery store anytime, but I don't. That's what makes snacking on them during flights more festive...like the necessity of finding a Starbucks somewhere in the airport during a long layover.

Besides anticipating rest and adventure, the best part of being able to take a trip with my Mom is that there are plenty of times for random conversations, shared memories, and family stories. Since yesterday, I learned three things I did not know about my family. The time Mom flew to Europe with me as a toddler before luggage was designed with wheels. The times my frequent flyer grandfather would run out onto the Tarmac when he was about to miss his planes to Florida in the pre-security space race days. The one time my Mom remembers my Dad trying to cook for her...when she was pregnant with me. It took him two hours to make bacon and stewed tomatoes, but he did it with love. Made me wonder if my family would being going out to eat a lot this week, or feasting on eggs and pb&j's.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, A has taken the kids to a lake day and recruited family help to drive to meetings, baseball and soccer practices, carpools to and from three schools, and business dinners. Thanks, love. You are the best.

 

 

Birthday Boy

My boy is about to turn ten. He plopped beside me on our bed one day last week and began the celebration discussion ritual. He thinks out loud, and either his Daddy or I compile his ideas onto an iPad note.

I smiled as he tried to delicately tell me that this year he didn't want me to have any part of planning or orchestrating his party. He seemed relieved that I was happy to hand over the reins. My boy is growing up. He doesn't want a cake, he wants to take his buds out for milkshakes and paintball. He thought through a guest list and activities. I think I am now the driver, food-buyer, and stay-out-of-the-way-please-Mom. And that's good too.

We settled on a beginner guitar and music lessons as something we could both agree on. I've loved seeing him pick it up so rapidly and enjoy learning something new.