New Phase

Tomorrow begins our third summer together as an adoptive family.

The first was exhausting with trying to communicate in another language and tough behavior issues through our first hosting experience.

Exhausting from all the fun and experiences we were trying to give two children we thought we might never see again. Exhausting from the soul searching of deciding whether or not God wanted us to be their forever family.

The second summer was exhausting with international travel, appointments, paperwork, and some of us being in Europe and some of us being here as we walked through the international adoption process.

This third summer officially begins tomorrow. It is also exhausting...from sibling rivalry. The same daughter who wrote letters and cried tears advocating for adoption, now fights with her beloved almost-the-same-age sister like cats and dogs. Is it hormones? Two preteen girls fighting for their own space and place in the family? Both of them are loved and given to enormously, so it's not like there is any real favoritism here, just perceived injustices. "Why did she get a new towel? Why did she get the last cupcake? Why does she get to go to a different school? Why did she get to go shopping for new shoes?"

A leech has two daughters. They cry out , "Give! Give!" Actually, we have three daughters and two sons, so that just further adds to the relational drama...and that must make us Mr. And Mrs. Leech, Biblically speaking. Hmmm.

I have hung the peace and quiet sign back on my bedroom door, and when they wish to come in they must come willing to talk, not argue. They need to talk to each other, not to me.

 

In addition to growing in family harmony, we also seek to grow spiritually, to share responsibilities around the house, to grow intellectually, and to make memories and have fun. Here are some of the strategies that we are employing.

Daily adventures to look forward to:

Organized lists of whose turn it is to do the dishes and take out the trash posted on the fridge:

 

Money jars for chores done, dollars taken for chores left undone. No work. No cash. That's life people.

 

Training, training, training. Life lessons like, "If you open the laundry chute, close it back. And while you are at it only open one box of Special K at a time, and then recycle the empty boxes instead of leaving the next person for an unpleasant surprise. If you leave the freezer door open overnight, all the popsicles will be melted in the morning. And please, please, for the love, turn the lights off when you leave the room."

 

Big (note)book of fun left out on the dining room table for ideas of what to do when your allotted minutes of electronics time has run out.... LEARN...CREATE...READ....COOK.....Bored? Go look through the book for inspiration.

Same table with something inviting left out for kids to explore...a puzzle, a craft project or art supplies, a game or toy pulled out from the back of the closet. Sometimes just seeing something we already have but have forgotten about sparks interest.

Attempts to make healthy nutrition choices and move every day. Another notebook of healthy snack choices and lunch items with serving size guidelines in the kitchen. Trying to eat through the rainbow and eat through the alphabet to encourage trying new fruits and veggies.

 

MJ learns to balance on our slackline

A notebook to log electronics time. Once your time is up, it's up. Still working on getting the kids to be self-aware of how they spend their time. Need some kind of system besides me being the electronics Nazi. Timers? Ideas?

And finally, each kid has a journal to record at least one thought, sketch, photo, or scrapbook item from the day. My prayer is that after all the squabbling, cleaning, and efforts to fight boredom, they will look back and discover that they really did grow closer together this summer.