Taryn's Journal

Friday, October 19, 2012

Motherhood Perspective

My friend Megan stopped me in the hallway at church on Sunday morning to offer encouragement after reading my weepy blog posts. My automatic response? More tears. A Bible study leader had written earlier in the week to say that she had me on her heart... More tears. I walk around the house numb at night trying to feel anything. Trying to think clear thoughts....barely able to function past a certain hour. I even spent time curled up in the corner of my laundry room floor in the dark when A was away again traveling, just listening to the thump of the clothes in the dryer. The repetitive noise was comforting that life was moving forward, even if I couldn't do one more thing that day, when I had given all that I had to give.

Megan drew the illustration of how comatose you are when you have a newborn and you are up multiple times a night attending to your child's needs. You feel as if your life is over and that it will never be the same again. But then, a year later, when the dust has settled, you barely remember how exhausted and overwhelmed you were. It's all a blur. I think that's the only way we are convinced to consider having a second child, by the gift of forgetting the automaton experience.

I have birthed three babies and have walked through this cycle three times before. Each time it has been demanding. Each time, I have mothered and met needs in love and faithfulness (but not joy). I know that joy will come in the morning, but right now it is night. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am tired of crying every night. I am tired of feeling spent and grouchy. I love my family. I want to be a cheerful Mary Poppins Mom instead of dumpy grumpy hag-wife. I'm angry at bureaucracy. I'm mad at God for not making this easier, although I realize from the lives of Jesus, Paul, Job, Jeremiah, etc. that obedience is not a cakewalk.

You don't ever ask a sleep deprived new Mom how she is loving life. She is just trying to survive. She will whip out the camera and show you all the joyful moments another time...and in time, all those moments in-between the pictures will fade.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Boxes for Katje

This is a great Reading Rainbow book and DVD from the library that tells of American goodwill to a little girl, and then to a town in Holland after the war. It helps clarify the line between necessity and luxury. It also has excerpts of children packing boxes to help those rebuilding lives damaged by hurricane Katrina. We watched this before going to pack our Operation Christmas Child boxes. Our newest Davises really enjoyed picking things out to bless other children for Christmas.

Pier One hot chocolate tin can be used to teach combinations

As with the watermelon earlier this summer, we estimated the weight and circumference, and then checked our guesses to see who was the closest....always a contest with these five!

Hundreds charts make it easier for younger learners not to lose count

Waiting for vomit

Our pastor recently showed us how one side of this statue is much shinier than the other from all the little hands touching it as they go by on the way to worship.

Jon 2:1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God.

Jon 2:2 He said: "In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry.

Jon 2:3 You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me.

Jon 2:4 ....... I will look again towards your holy temple

Jon 2:5 The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head.

Jon 2:7 "When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, LORD, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.

Jon 2:9 But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the LORD."

Jon 2:10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

I am waiting for vomit. I know that this stage of seaweed wrapped around my head drowning in overwhelm is not the end of the story....so I wait in humility. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord.

Perhaps, one day, my crown of seaweed will be transformed into a laurel wreath to lay at His feet.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Here and there

Our Latvians love cold ketchup squirted right from the bottle on top of their Asian rice.

A secures our place in Latvia

God was good to us. When the translator failed to show up at Tukums orphan court early this morning, our attorney was able to summon another to make the drive from the capitol city...instead of "coming back next week" as they suggested! The judge liked the photo book we had made of our time together, so I would suggest that to any other families making an adoption journey to countries like Latvia where multiple trips are part of the process.

Shadow art

Human sundial

The autumn sun is so strong through our porch doors. I really do clean the glass...then ten minutes later a band of children...some ours, some neighbors, declare a Nerf war and a brand new set of prints appear as they rush out the back door to enjoy the last few rays of daylight until the dinner bell rings.