My Mini Van Has Lost Its Swagger

My mini van has lost its swagger.

The rear windshield wiper was hanging down droopily as one of my children has taken up rip-sticking and has discovered that the best way to get started is to crawl along the side of my car, holding on for dear life, until she's found her balance...and then she's off....and my van is duct taped together. I cheer for her newfound skill, and feel a little bit like the duct taped woman who is trying to hold it together.

I'm leaving the duct tape on until we can get it fixed. When I occasionally get my van washed, they always put a piece of tape on it anyway so that it won't be damaged in the carwash. Maybe people will just think I just got a wash and then drove down a dirt road on a shortcut to school on a day when I was later than I had hoped to be?

I have been reading Kelly Minter's Nehemiah Bible Study. What has struck me is that the strength of the laborers was running out at the half way point of building the wall. Nehemiah prayed for more strength...and the wall was completed. My man and I are crawling, plopping down to sleep the first chance we have. We know it won't always be this way, but right now it is so tiring. Sometimes, even when you have begged God to be able to serve in some way, and He has been gracious to grant your request, you can crawl from exhaustion. Even with His help, and His strength for today, you are not guaranteed a cake-walk for life. You can still be on the brink of tears at any given moment, even when you're not sad. Just worn out.

The two sides of me are sometimes conflicted. I am a romantic at heart that loves to look at Pinterest and dream of travel and making every day amazing and beautiful. Remember the Disney character, Belle? "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere...." Then there is the practical responsible part of me that knows that there is a lot of work to be done, and many days are not so thrilling...not even close. And I have to settle for "enough...not perfect...not even close."

Tonight I took my dinner plate from the table of my beautiful LOUD family who was not impressed with my broccoli, and ate dinner alone on the tile of my bathroom floor. My oldest daughter came to check on me. "Mom, are you alright?" "I'm ok. I just need to find some quiet." There were birthday gifts to buy and groceries to get while they were on sale, so I took my quiet time on a shopping trip to Target and Kroger. If Jesus could meet the woman at the well, while she was drawing water, He can meet me lugging in the groceries while my family sleeps. I need Thee every hour. I give thanks for the extra bright lights at Publix, so that I can buy one get one in saftey and security.

Sharon Jaynes encourages women to look for 5 beautiful things each day.
Fall mums on sale were one of my beautiful things today.

I pray that my eyes will stay fixed on Jesus. On days when my quiet times are not so quiet, or existent, and my prayer life is putting my head down on the steering wheel in the garage when the van has pulled into the garage for the day... on those days, Jesus still cares. He still holds me. He still says, "Press on....."A head bowed in a garage can be holy ground.


For truth about where we are in our journey, read Jen Hatmaker's blog.

http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2012/08/21/the-truth-about-adoption-one-year-later