A Walk on the Beach

Topsail Island

 

Wise counsel

Clear understanding

Simple trust

These are the first three gifts of the Holy Spirit mentioned in 1 Corinthians 12:8, Message translation

I would love to be the one who is able to give wise counsel.

I would love to be able to communicate godly principles with clear understanding.

Today, it seems, I am better suited for simple trust. Faith that God has led us, and will continue to lead us, step by step, with the energy that each day requires.

This weekend He provided rest and the company of good friends.

 

I took a walk on the beach Saturday morning ALONE with God. If you could have overheard our conversation it would have sounded something like this.

Me: God, I wish I were a better person. I wish I weren't tired and grumpy all the time. I wish I could give my kids and my husband more of what they want. I wish I weren't so easily annoyed. I'm a big mess.

God: I like messes.

God never seems alarmed when I dump out my frustration before Him.

Dependent. The best word I can think of to describe this stage of our adoption journey is dependent. I am dependent on the Lord for His mercy as I have no acts of greatness to point to. I am just trying to faithfully do what He has asked us to do.

Humbled. I am humbled by my lack of saintliness. I wish I always FELT joy. Some days I have to "count it all joy". I am seeing myself as I really am, and not the self I like to present when I am all rested up.

Stretched. I cried when we couldn't figure out when to celebrate our 13th anniversary...which is not until October. Frustrated tears that seem to think that life will always be this crowded. My heart of hearts knows that this is a season. I can logically reason that things will be different when our kids are in school part of the day, and when we have been together longer. Sometimes I just need to walk on the beach alone with God and remember.

One day I may cry because there are not enough challenges. Until then, I will try and walk faithfully the road ahead of us.

 

Sea stones, polished by the circular journey of the waves.

As I roll them over in my hands, I recall one act of God's faithfulness to me at a time...a walk of remembrance.

I have a husband who loves me and provides for us and mows the lawn at night with the back porch light on.

I get to be the mom of five great kids.

I am healthy and strong and can walk three miles to the pier.

I have been given great friends and have the privilege of celebrating milestones in their journeys too.

Wish my new attitude lasted longer than a pedicure.