my assignment...should I choose to accept it

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
Surely I have a delightful inheritance.


You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with JOY in your presence,
with eternal pleasures in your right hand.


Psalm 16:5-6,11


Sometimes I struggle with my assignment. Sometimes my assignment seems too small. Too mundane. As if I'm making no progress in my desire to make a difference in the world. Some create mission organizations and travel the world. In this season I travel to the kids' school, the gym, church, and Wal-mart.


Other times my assignment seems too big. Eighteen minutes of choreography in the Christmas program? Five kids and only one of me to help them on a particular moment?


I'm trying to learn to rest in the boundary lines that God has given me. Each day I have a new assignment. It might be to do the same old laundry and drive the kids back to school again with fresh joy and a sense of purpose. It might be to beg him for parenting wisdom or a renewed love for my amazing spouse when life is causing distance.


At the Catalyst conference in Atlanta, I watched several artists paint during worship sets. As Hillsong United led 13,000 people in praising God, one artist worked quietly in a corner, painting his messages that would later be auctioned to support Amazima ministries in Uganda. The paintings all had a dead black bird, claws up, in common. As I wondered what message was hidden within, I later saw one that said, "Let it die"...Do you wish that the speaker's calling were your own? Let it die, so that His dream for you may live.


I don't know how many people stopped in the cattle-drive lines for lunch to take in what he was quietly saying, but it spoke to me. Let "your dream" for your life die. Give God full permission to do whatever He dreams with your life. Be it mundane and quiet, or spectacularly "significant" in everyone's eyes, including your own.


I recently had lunch with a dear friend for her birthday. We talked about how sometimes, feeling like you want to do something "big" for God is a misunderstanding. People tell us that we are smart and special when we are young, and instead of encouraging us to go and reach our potential, it places a hidden burden on our hearts of "you are not doing enough". We carry around inside of us the idea that we must do something "great for God" in order to count and fulfill the idea of what our life should be or produce.


I am forty years old and still reconciling that greatness in His eyes is completely different from what I consider to be noteworthy. He gives the assignments. If it matters too much for me to do something "big", then I need to spend some more time folding laundry.


God, I pray for your renewed perspective today. I ask to only seek you, and not influence or impact on the world. I pray that as I attend to your every direction, I will have exactly the life that pleases you most.
Help me love and attend to the ones you have placed before me. May I shepherd these well and not seek greater things.


Thank you for bringing rest to my body and my soul as I learn to release my hopes, dreams, and expectations to you.


Thank you for seeing my desire to do something (anything) that might please you. I think of Peter, James, and John who offered to build tabernacles for you on the Mount of Transfiguration after seeing your glory. (Luke 9:33)  They didn't have any clue what to say or do, but they wanted to respond to You. Take my desire to respond to You, and do with it, whatever you wish, for YOUR glory and delight alone.


Thank you for being patient with me.
Thank you for reminding me to "cease striving" and just know You.
I love you,
Taryn


Psalm 46:10 Cease striving and know that I am God.


Jeremiah 45:5 Are you seeking great things for yourself? Seek them not.