Today I feel wonky. I wonder if it is some sort of seasonal time change thing. While I rejoiced at my productivity in finally getting the Operation Christmas child boxes together during the extra hour given last Sunday morning, this week I have felt tired and a little low. There isn't anything especially wrong, just blah and weariness. How much difference can one hour make?
The grey half-light around 5pm that signals the end of the day depresses me. Soon it will feel normal, but today it feels wonky. Not right.
I try some of my favorite remedies: routine, prayer, exercise, coffee with cream, hot tea, reading in a spare moment, writing....still wonky. I crunch almonds between my teeth and lick the smokey saltiness from underneath my nails....still grey. I am angry at technology and mean people who hack email and send ridiculous things from my account. I spend my only free time unsubscribing to thing after thing I do not want. Weary.
On such a day, I love a post such as Emily Freeman sent out a few days ago. A post that reminds us to take everything to Jesus: the celebration, the joy, the exhaustion, the frustration, the ordinary, the grey. Thanks God, for loving me and holding me even when I can't sing or smile much. You are my constant one, and the one who will smile at me tomorrow.
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"May your prayer and your living be so closely connected that you cannot separate your day plan from your Amen. May you not despise your weakness, your anxiety, or your exhaustion, rather may you bring these into the presence of Jesus. Your smallness is a gift and an offering. May He be your kind companion today."
Emily Freeman
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